6 secrets (redux)

1: I'm not a natural blogger.
Course right now I'm not even journaling. Bringing me back to that age old (old age?) question - can we only write when we're experiencing drama?
Can I only blog when I have a polished facet of myself to present?
I suspect it is partly the tyranny of expectation - second child / triple Capricorn syndrome. If I should do it I don't want to - if I said I would I regret it - oppositional defiant meets goat stubborn.
2: I want to live as if I'm dying.
Now I could spread this declaration over the metaphysical landscape but I'm thinking of housework, spring cleaning. We're not living in filth, just living in stuff - TOO MUCH STUFF. There are two mantras filling our space - "I can use it" and "it came from someone I love". Right now I have a mess in every room, the porch and the garden, slowly recreating the spaces, reconsidering everything. Cause isn't it about decisions? Point being, I would hate dying with this mess passing out of my hands...
Impaired decision making and a sense of foreshortened future are two effects of PTSD - I read that recently and copied it down.
3: I love mini oreos (not a secret to anyone who's been around me lately) - BigSis calls 'em "crack in a bag."
4: Getting back to STUFF - part of what keeps stuff here is the belief that there is no "throwing it away." Where is away? Yet - sometimes after hanging onto stuff, worrying about how to dispose of it - off it goes to the big green can in the yard, off to the landfill.
5: I don't know the answer.
A friend asked me recently, "Don't you want to be in love?" Boyfriend or girlfriend? Where do poems come from? What is success?  Where do I want to be in five years? Next year? (next month...week...day?) Hilary or Obama?
Is there a limit to now here?
Just as manners are a way of creating distance, habits are a way of simplifying.
6: I'd rather read a book than just about anything.
I'm reading my way through May Sarton's novels - what fun! Most recent trash - The Immortals. Recent obsession - Our Father by Marilyn French - I want to make a play out of it - write a play from it? I've been listening to Jane Austen on Project Gutenburg, which led to listening to Jane Eyre - which gave me a whole new appreciation for it, probably because it forces me to slow down.